Need a Secret Blog Today...

So the other day some friends and I were talking about how we need two blog accounts. One like this one, that can be used to keep in touch with our family and friends that aren't so close, and the other used more like a personal journal. This second sort of "secret" blog would be so I could vent out my frusterations, complaints, and tell how I truly feel even though it may not be pretty at times.
Some days like the past few days, I need one of those second "secret" blogs. But because I don't have nearly enough time to create a whole other blog account, everyone will just have to bear with me and listen to some well needed venting. If you don't feel like it, then you best click off my page now!

Let me just start by saying it out loud...I LOVE being a a stay at home mother! BUT...some days are just really hard. To be honest, some days I want to just pull my freakin' hair out of my head and quit! (I told you it wasn't going to be pretty.)
So yesterday I'm doing some laundry and then come back into the living room as Alyssa comes running up to me with her hands up in the air saying, "Stop mama, don't come in here!" Do you think that raised a red flag for me, ummm yah. I walk in and see all of our cam recorder tapes on the floor with a bunch of the tapes ripped out and tangled up on the floor. These aren't just any tapes, they are the tapes that have all of Alyssa's 1st year on them. They are the only footage we have of her at that age. I gasped and fell to the floor to take a closer look. I told Alyssa to go to her room, which she did without resisting. Probably because she was fearful of what I might do if she stayed. Once alone, I started to well up with tears while I tryed to salvage the tapes. I called Robert and after he was done talking me off the ledge, I finished rolling the tapes up as much as I could and put them out of harms (Alyssa's) way until Rob could get home to look at them more. I have been just sick about it since.
I feel like there just isn't enough of me to go around. It seems like everyone around me needs me all at once and I'm like, "Hey...I can't be everywhere all the time...when do I get a break?"
You know it is bad when you tell your husband, "I need a break...I'm going grocery shopping." When going grocery shopping without children hanging on you is an event-you know you are in need of some serious me time. So I'm in the check out line and the young gentleman checking me out,(not woo-hoo checking me out, but literally checking my groceries out because I know I was lookin' tired) says to me, "Had a long day?" I admit I was being curt, I wasn't in the mood for small talk. "Ummm, everyday is a long day when you have small children." He responds like a young single non-parent would, "Well, you get to enjoy yourself now though right?" I'm thinking to myself, are you kidding me!? "Since when is going out to the grocery store consititute as having a good time? What an idiot! I did resist from saying all that however, and just half smiled and said, "yep!"
Or how about when your idea of a break is going to a co-workers house to work on insurance billing work that hasn't gotten done during the daylight hours because every time you go back into your office to do it, something happens or someone needs you. Sad right?
Now I know that I'm not the only one who has this kind of schedule. I know I'm not the busiest person in the world. I also know it could be worse. But, I'm just saying...I'm feelin' kind of ripped off!
Phew! Okay...I guess I'm done now. Bella just woke up from her nap and is crying because guess what? She needs me.